I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize