I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
