Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
