Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
