sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize