I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize