How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
