The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
