the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
