if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
