He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
