It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
