sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The air was thick with penises
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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