if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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