You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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