ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
