gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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