I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize