I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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