I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
