i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
