Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
