Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
