i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
