I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
