I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
