i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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