Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
