My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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