whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
