She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
