the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
