i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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