just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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