I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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