My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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