I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
