apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
