Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
