walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
