dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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