god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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