Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
