i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
