So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
