i may or may not be watching the land before time
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just pee around me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
