3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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