you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
