Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
