I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
