My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
