with your own penis?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
