And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
