No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
