Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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