You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
