I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
