I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
