She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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