I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
