I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
