i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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