Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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