Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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