went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
