I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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