my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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