I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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