So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
