I want to have your abortion
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
